Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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