her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
