Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
