did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
