I want to have your abortion
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
