I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
