Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
