He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
