So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
