addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
