dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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