you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
