Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
