Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
