Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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