Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
