She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
