You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
the liver wants what the liver wants
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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