Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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