: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He? As in you personified your dick?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
