i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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