I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
