I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
