Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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