Moan for me like Helen Keller
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
try to milk me bitch
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