next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
my being single is dangerous.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
