i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
