Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
