Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
