I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Randomize
