Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
