I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
