he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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