you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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