i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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