Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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