Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Someone stole a lamp last night.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
