No stitches, just platelets and will power
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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