hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
