What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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