D3 body, D1 cock
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
