He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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