dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
