I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
