he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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