OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
