I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
