I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
