as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
