Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
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