Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
