was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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