Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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