Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
