That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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